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This morning I opened our email and was surprised to see that someone had sent in a letter with some thoughts that have obviously been on her mind. I have so many things running through my head and I will address her issues but this may be to big for me, she may need advice from a lot of people or probably just a good therapist. Here is the letter
7:32 PM (16 hours ago) Reply
Dear Suite,
I've recently found myself in a crazy situation. I want to talk to my friends but i know they will judge me. I am in a situation that i cant get myself out of. I've known this guy for a while and i really like him. we were just friends but the past year we have become intimate. he makes me smile and makes me feel complete. the problem with the situation is that he is my cousin's boyfriend. i know he and i should not have gone there and i really can't explain how it happened. I was pregnant by him in the summer and i had a miscarriage. my cousin was there with me the whole time rubbing my back and just being there for me. she was pissed that "the father" was not there for me. I hate going to family functions b/c they are together. Sometimes we kind of share a look or something but it makes me feel bad because she is like my best friend too. I really don't want to stop messing with him but I know that if she finds out she will be pissed at me.And don't get me wrong i luv my cousin, but this is the best relationship I ever been in. this is a horrible situation and i just need some sound advice on what to do.
Wow, I don't really know where to start with this. I normally don't like to give advice but since she seems kind of in a desperate situation we will try to help. The fact that he is your cousin's man does make this situation crazy. If I were you I would get out. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine the pain you would feel from a betrayal like this. The thing with love is that you can't help who you love, but you can stop the love. Stay away from him or just come out and tell her so it won't seem like you are being shady. No one can judge you far going there, but I think you are judging yourself because deep down you know that it is wrong.
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Bit Of Advice
Posted by suiteSTL at 12:12 PM
Labels: advice, crazy situations, do not disturb
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18 Comments:
Oh Lord, if I were your cousin I would be mad, I can't lie. I don't feel sorry for you at all
If he would cheat on your cousin with you, even if he were to leave her, he would cheat on you too. Don't you think you deserve love in the light as well as the dark?
He saw you coming, and is taking advantage. If he loved you or your cousin for real, he wouldn't do that. You and your cousin deserve better.
A real man in love will claim you as his in public. Love does not make you sneak around and lie to those that want the best for you.
Be careful. Karma is a (rhymes with snitch).
i got some advice
go take a bath cause you nasty
First let me start by saying that my heart goes out to you. It's hard enough loving someone but then to love the wrong man can make it worse. Love is one of the craziest things, I remember when I use to say I wouldn't do this or I wouldn't do that, even though I have never been in this situation I have been cheated on before and yes I stayed with him, it hurt me like hell to know he cheated. I'm sure you love your cousin to death, but know that nothing good can really come out of this except you and her getting hurt, and he probably will move on with his life.
LMAO @ nelly fan. Hilarious!
Ok so now that I got that out of the way....
Umm, yea, you need to stop and do it ASAP. I think someone already said this, but he might be sleeping with yet another person. All I can say is please go get checked for diseases(laugh if you want, but you know I am right) and pull yourself up by your bootstraps and leave this fool alone. Yea, it ain't easy cuz you got feelings, but do you really want to hurt your family over some dude? I don't think you do, well at least I hope you don't.
I have been here and I done this to my sister(I know I was super wrong) I felt bad and I never told her but after a while I got out of it because she would call me and cry about knowing that he was cheating on her. I was wrong as two left shoes for doing that to her, and as soon as we stopped he started messing with someone else. The guy sounds like a looser and a user, he just out to get his only. Watch out for him and peace to you my sister
ooh summa these stl folks are mean! smh
Anywhoo... as hard as it may be to leave him alone. You have to. One of two things will happen.
He will break up with your cousin to be with you. Your cousin and your family will hate you. And you'll basically be cut off save the few nosy folk that will only come around to report back to the rest.
or
Your cousin will find out on her own and you'll get your ass whooped and Your cousin and your family will hate you. And you'll basically be cut off save the few nosy folk that will only come around to report back to the rest.
In both scenarios, you will be the one stuck the fuk out.
So walk now, at least you'll still have your family.
((hugs))
My question would be, why do you love him? Clearly he's dishonest and disloyal or he would never have taken up with you while with your cousin. I understand that sometimes love strikes in unexpected places, but if this were really love and he were an honorable man, he would have broke it off with your cousin before getting with you.
How can you say its the best relationship when its not a relationship. Sooner than later you will realize that he has his cake and eats it too while cuzzo gets the short end of the stick and you just get...well stuck.
It's her boyfriend...not her husband...you are going to have to own up to your actions and pray that she forgives you.
If she is truly your best friend, you will not continue to lie to her...
And if he is really all that to you...stop and think why is he still with her?
What is done in the dark come to the light, and you would rather her hear from you.
You have to prepare yourself for loss, you could lose alot, but at least you can regain your self respect.
FIRST I FEEL REALLY BAD FOR U BECAUSE IT SOUNDS AS IF U REALLY LOVE THIS GUY......THE ONLY THING THAT IM GOIN TO SAY IS PRAY AND ASK GOD TO 4GVE U AND TAKE THE FEELINGS U HVE FOR THIS MAN AWAY JUST TRY VERY HARD TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION ITS VERY EASY FOR PPL TO JUDE U AND SAY WHAT U SHLD ARE SHLD NOT BE DOING THATS THE EASY PART WE ALL KNW ITS WRONG BUT THAT FACT THAT U SENT THE LETTER TELLS ME U REALLY DNT KNW WHAT TO DO SO JUST TRY TO END IT I KNW U SAID U LOVE HIM WHICH IF THAT IS THE CASE WILL MAKE IT HARD BUT JUST THNK ABT UR COUSIN WHO IM SURE FEELS THAT THERE IS SUMTHNG GOING ON WITH HIM ITS NOT WORTH IT DNT BEAT UR SELF UP TO BAD ABT IT NOT SAYING THAT ITS NOT WRONG BUT KEEPING 100 THIS IS SO COMMON IT HAPPENS EVERYDAY SO JUST PRAY AND MOVE ON THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR U!!! IM WILLIN TO BET THAT SUMTHNG BAD HAPPEND IN UR LIFE TO GET U TO THIS POINT... HVE FAITH!!!! AND DNT LET ALL THE DIFF COMMENTS U RECV GET U DWN BUT IM SURE U CAN HNDLE IT OTHERWISE U WLD HVE NOT SENT THE EMAIL........BE STRONG AND LET THIS BE A PART OF UR PAST USE IT AS A LEARNING TOOL......
WOW...That's a REAL heavy sitchiation right there.
On the real though, I think you should ask yourself what's more important...
Keeping up this relationship with your cousins dude [whose already shown you what he's capable of and can easily turn around and do the same thing to you] or being loyal to your family member [who is likely going to be around long after dude isn't].
Try putting yourself in your cousins shoes...
Ask yourself [and be honest with yourself] about how you'd feel if SHE were doing something like this to you.
More importantly, you should come to grips with the fact that YOU'RE NOT NOW AND WILL LIKELY NEVER BE A TOP PRIORITY FOR/TO THIS DUDE.
If nothing else makes you want to put an end to this, THAT [ALONE] SHOULD.
Wishing you the best of luck in your decision making.
WELL ITS APPARENT TO EVERYONE THAT YOU OBVIOUSLY MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. MISTAKES ARE FORGIVABLE UNLESS YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES THEN PEOPLE AREN'T LIKELY TO FORGIVE.IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO SOMETHING THAT IS WRONG THEN ITS A CHOICE. I THINK YOU CAN SAVAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FAMILY AND COUSIN IF YOU STOP NOW AND CHOOSE THE HIGHER RODE AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. .AT LEAST IF YOU STOP NOW AND TRY TO CORRECT WHAT YOU DID YOU CAN WALK WITH YOUR HEAD UP HIGH, BUT DONT CONTINUE TO SLEEP WITH THAT MAN AND SMILE IN YOUR COUSIN FACE. THATS JUST WRONG AND YOU KNOW IT.BELIEVE IT OUR NOT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT. IM TRULEY SORRY FOR THE LOST OF YOUR BABY, BUT IT WASN'T MENT FOR YOU TO BRING THAT CHILD INTO THIS HORRIBLE SITUATION. NOW YOU DONT HAVE ANY TIES TO HIM AND YOU CAN GROW,AND BE THE STRONG BLACK WOMAN THAT YOUR ARE MENT TO BE.
The best relationship you've been in?! That is NOT a relationship so get that out of your hand RAT NOW!
You are wrong. He is wrong. Nothing good will come out of this if you continue on. Cut him off and move on. I know it's easier said than done but trust me, time heals all wounds.
NEXT
This is the best relationship you've ever had because he knows he has you at a disadvantage. He's having his cake and eating it too. He's getting away with it because he can. His cheating ways are safe as long as you're scared to loose more than just him.
He must be thinking life is pretty good for him right now.
Question: If you and your cousin are so close? Why has she never met the guy you've been shagging?
Hi! Coming here by way of Pajnstl.
The sentence that scares me is "this is the best relationship I have been in". I am so sorry Honey, that really breaks my heart.
How can a relationship with an obvious cheater be the best relationship you've ever been in. What types of relationship were you in before?
I am trying to assume you really want this advice, but truthfully you don't want to do anything about it.
My question to you is what do you expect from this "relationship" (I am using the term loosely because this is not a relationship contrary to what you may think)? What are you looking for?
Does the guy even like you? Because if he did, he would have left your cousin for you. Yes, it would have made you a bitchy boyfriend stealing harlot, but you would have had the satisfaction of living your relationship openly. But you don't even have that. It doesn't even seem like he mentionned it.
I am pretty sure the guy is happy eating his cake and having it (with the baker included), and trust me for a fact, he does not give a rat's ass about yours.
I was tempted to say that your cousin was the victim, but you somehow are one too. If that's the best you could dream up for yourself then you are indeed a victim too.
But you'll do what you have to do at any rate. So go on. If your self-esteem has not been able to tell you that this whole situation is insane, then I don't think my $.02 would do any good.
But please use some protection. HIV is real.
ITS EVIDENT YOU ARE TORN UP ABOUT THIS SITUATION BECAUSE YOU ARE REACHING OUT. ITS SO EASY FOR PEOPLE TO SAY JUST STOP, BUT ANYBODY THAT HAS BEEN IN LOVE OR HAS HAD TRUE DEEP FEELINGS FOR A PERSON KNO THAT ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE. LOVE AND FEELINGS CANT JUST BE TURNED OFF OR ON. I FEEL BAD FOR BOTH U AND YOUR COUSIN. WE HAVE ALL ESTABLISHED THAT IT IS WRONG......BUT SOMETIMES WRONG JUST FEEL SO RIGHT! GIRL BE STRONG AND PRAY ABOUT THE SITUATION HE WILL GUIDE U N THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
I think that you need to STOP NOW. You know that the outcome of this will be terrible. Even if you decide to stay with it, YOu will always be the chick on the side. He isnt going to leave your cousin for you. You will end up begging and getting your feelings hurt. More than that, Look at your cousins feelings. I assume you have never been cheated on and if so, shame on you. Being cheating on hurts enough but by someone so close, it hurts even more. I also wonder if your cousin is your "best friend", then how did it happen anyway? Or Y did it continue? You need to leave the situation alone ASAP.
what a mess
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